Parenting Against Rejection

How many times does "rejection" kick us down?

What have we missed out on due to the fear of "rejection"?

What can we do to battle against the ugliness of "rejection"?

“This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” John 15:12

Parenting...Again

When we were raising our 'Bigs" (our 4 biological kids) those questions would rear their ugly heads. As they were growing up we handled common issues regarding rejection, such as so and so doesn't want to be my friend anymore, not being picked to be on a team, not getting invited to functions, etc. We would have to work through those circumstances that life takes us through, that just aren't very much fun. All a part of raising a family, Right?!?

But what happens when you start to parent those that have had major rejection way too early in life? They have defense mechanisms from the rejection that they are not even aware of, and, add to that, a current parent feeling like they are being rejected. What happens is, that a lot of territory is opened for satan to get in and cause turmoil.

"Neither give place to the devil." Ephesians 4:27

God Can Work Anytime

I was sitting in my car waiting to drop off kids for school, feeling a little heavy hearted. During this time I try to get things done on my phone, one of those tasks is email. I was going through deleting some and I came across one from iDisciple. Usually I delete these due to me reading other material, but not this time. I am certain that God knew that I needed to read the content of this specific message.

The email was a devotion from Wisdom Hunters titled Free from the Power of Rejection.

The very first scripture spoken of, was "Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close." Psalm 27:10 (NLT) My heart immediately thought of the littles and I was reminded of the hurt and rejection they went through being so young.

The devotion goes on and talks about how rejection is a part of the human condition, and then reminds us of the rejection that Christ felt. What a good reminder! I don't think we ponder on this as much as we should. He suffered so much and yet He loved deeply. The examples that we are given in the bible of when He was on the cross, after being rejected, humiliated and beaten are of compassion and love.

"Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34

A lot of the time I feel that the more I give of myself and do for these kids, then the ugly behaviors are more frequent. Behaviors that we have dealt with for a couple of years now. This makes me relate to the writer's statement of "I wanted to snatch my love back, shut my heart down and isolate." As I continue to learn and adapt to parent kids with attachment disorders and other areas they need healing, I am recognizing that I need to continually forgive and take "me" out of the picture. I remind myself that I have been called to love as Jesus loves me. And, how many times has Jesus needed to forgive me for the same things, over and over again.

The writer goes onto say, "We must not pull back and tuck away our hearts to protect ourselves from rejection." This statement made flashing lights go off in my brain! This devotion really got to me and made me think and pray how I can share it with the kids.

I know that in their own way, this is what they are doing. Oh Lord, we need healing from this!

Not Your Typical "Kid" Bible Story Lesson

After praying for a few days, the direction came to me on how I could teach and talk with the kids about this. I approached it as a Sunday school lesson, topic being "Did Jesus ever feel rejected?" The lesson got started by me making sure they understood what the word rejection means, they did pretty good and even gave me some great age appropriate examples. We looked up the scriptures that were used in the devotion and I also included Luke 23:26-43 to show how Jesus still had compassion. When we dove into our conversation about what Jesus went through, it made a few have teary eyes. I went on to ask them how others might react if they were rejected. Their reactions were the typical; not be friends anymore, be mad, they would be sad and, not talk to them anymore. Then I shared a couple of excerpts from the devotion, especially this part, "that we should never decide that because we have experienced rejection that we are rejectable and unworthy of love." I looked each child in the eyes, closely, and told them "You are worthy of love and you are able to love!"

"Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another." 1 John 4:11

This conversation went a little deeper. We went on to talk about forgiving those that hurt them and how with that forgiveness, the healing and love will follow. We touched on the fact that being physically rejected by their bio families, doesn't mean that they are not thought about and loved by them deep in their hearts. They don't know the life circumstances that brought them to the point of separation. With God in our lives, we are given hope that we might see healing in the relationships of those that have hurt us. In the meantime, we do have a choice to make. We can allow the rejection to make us bitter and hurt those around us and give ground to satan or, we can choose to forgive and love our enemies (those that have hurt us) and live by the example of our dear Lord, Jesus Christ. It is ultimately our choice in our reaction, and with our choices, do come consequences.

I agree with the author, about looking to our identity in Christ. Ultimately that is all that matters, but when He looks into our hearts...what will He find?

"The Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." 1 Samual 6:1-13